So we left here...

and moved to here.

December was a blur of home improvement chores and constant demands that we move sooner and sooner.  By the time Chris had his offer from Steton, we had three weeks total for the move from offer date to first day of work.  And to top it off, Christmas was right smack in the middle of those weeks.  I remember Chris talking to me in the car and running the latest suggestion by HP that we leave even a week earlier so that Chris could work for them for a week from Utah and we could use the scant Christmas vacation to actually drive out to Utah.  Sell the house and move everything and everyone in two weeks.  Like it was a big deal or something.  

Well, we moved in Three.  After a Christmas vacation, void if traditions (Our Christmas tree was on the curb the day of Christmas.) and full of dodging in and out of our house for viewings, we had a deal on our house in the works when we left.  But, of course, it fell through once we got here.  I am so grateful that we were able to spend some time in Provo and take a deep breath before taking on St George.  And OH St George.  You never knew how lazy you were until you moved to St George.  All of the kids were angry, confused, cranky. mad.and sick in turns.  We found out that, even thought Steton promised health care, they failed to mention that it wouldn't be in effect till the first of March.  It was about that time that I ran Parker to the Emergency room because he was suffocating.  

No, really, he couldn't breathe.  His lips and the tips of his ears and fingers were bluing before anyone would deign to see the insurance-less suffocating boy in the emergency room.  Once we were in there, Parker could hardly open his eyes.  The nurse panicked and they brought the dr in who instantly put some breathing aid on him.  Thankfully he perked up immediately and they decided not to send him to a higher intensive care unit.

Then there was the school fiasco.  Lyra and Parker came home from school the first day and started to play cannibals.  Complete with the screaming victim who would be the meal for the rest of the starving people.  Then a few days later Parker wanted to know how babies were made. No, but HOW?  We focused on fetal development.  He seemed distracted, if not satisfied.  It did make for an interesting discussion on Adam and Eve.  Initially he wanted to know that if everyone was a baby first, that at some point a baby had to have had a baby.  After hearing that Adam and Eve were adults from the start, he discounted it immediately because two people could not possibly make so many babies.  Or so he thought, until we started on the hypothetical pedigree chart.  All the kids thought that was pretty awesome by the time we were making 200 dots for each baby.  Anyway, inspite of the great opportunities for talking about the gospel, School here is only two and a half hours.  That is almost not long enough to load all the kids in the car, unload them, load them and then unload them again.  No, for real.  And then Parker started refusing to do basic things like brushing his hair 'that is what girls do' Dad- 'no it's not, I brush my hair, do I do girl things?' Parker-'yes, all the time.  It's embarrassing.'  That was more amusing than anything but then he began to refuse to read.  Or write.  A big deal for him.  He loves to do both.  

Not only was Parker having a rough time, but I was really struggling to wrestle wit so many deeply unhappy kids.  Isaac was teething big time, so I had him in arm literally all day.  I have a muscle specifically developed from holding him in my left arm so much.  Chris mentioned that he was starving one Saturday at about lunch time and I was a little confused.  And then I realized... I only eat dinner because I always have at least two, usually three, demanding and unhappy children on hand at any given moment.  I was changing severe diarrhea diapers and diapers with poo dyed green and blue because of the one cupcake I gave them that one time.  I was cleaning up vomit and spitup and then more vomit.  I was feeding them, and then feeding the others who just got home and then trying to engage them in homework that had notes attached telling me that I needed to teach them this and that.  I was slowly unpacking the boxes that still clung to the corners of every room.  I had a washer that was slowly migrating around the Laundry room because the slate on the floor was too uneven for the spin part of the cycle.  I had our Realtor calling and texting about forms that we needed to sign and how the house needed to be maintained now that it was vacant.  I was calling and canceling the cancellations on our electricity and gas and water, which take longer when you can't her why you are being put on hold again because of the kid clinging to your legs and crying because you can't do any number of things.  I had kids playing in the dirt and rocks that were now the backyard.  Lyra was crying about how there were no flowers.  There are no flowers in St George.  

It is funny to me now that the flower thing is what actually got to me.  Chris suggested we try to put the older kids in some program that had the older kids in school all day.  It was a good idea.  Parker was bored and restless... he actually bit me at one point. Parker isn't naughty.  So that was a surprise.  Anyway We asked around and people suggested a charter school.  Of course we had missed the lottery ... for next year.  Too bad about that.  So we looked at private schools.  That was the most creepy experience ever. 

 I was told that we could come and do a trial day.  Ok, why not?  So in we went.  The thing was in a converted business building and there were about fifty or so chairs set up in this big open area.  Kids ages 5 - 15 assembled and began to sing 'book of Mormon stories' which was fine.  But then a man got up in front and started talking.  And talking.  

He told a long winded story that was clearly made up on the spot about a school where no one could make choices for themselves.  Where they were forced to do all their work and then if they made even one mistake they were thrown in the dungeon.  And then there was another school where everyone who graduated became a CEO or a president or a bum.  The people who became great were the ones who did their homework and the ones who became bums were the ones who didn't go to school or didn't do their homework and were lazy and unkind (this guy had it out for bums).  Twenty minutes later he opened it up to questions.  One young boy commented that it was an awful lot like the war in heaven.  'Why that is the most inspiring and thoughtful thing I have heard anyone say to me in a long time.'  Finally they divided for classes.  The speaker man, who seemed to think he had done a pretty awesome job up there, told me to come in to his office.  He would tell me how they prayed between each topic and anything else.  Uh.  The guy gave me the creeps.  Seriously.  Creepy Zionist.  He had created a little cult for himself.  You should have seen it, seriously.  So very creepy.  

They divided and I followed Lyra and Parker to figure out if they did that every time or who their actual teacher would be.  I found her, a pretty woman in her late twenties.  Watching her with that class it wasn't ten minutes till it was obvious that she was just some nice lady they had who was now lounging in a chair with maybe a very fragile control over the class.  The kids themselves seemed helpful and kind, though.  So there was something.  

We went to another private school's open house that night.  Yes, it is the middle of the year, but you see, one of the other private schools was going out of business and was merging with the Lutheran private school, that had church backing and so had not yet gone out of business.  Lutheran was sounding really normal about now.  But after visiting the rooms and talking to the teachers it was obvious that the teachers didn't want teachers from the outside coming in and that the new teachers were really struggling to be there.  The new teacher that would be Lyra and Parker's teacher was really sweet and was clearly struggling not to break down after she was asked where her classroom would be- she didn't know.  

The happy news is that both the private schools made the public one look fantastic, no matter how much they may come back saying 'oh my God' or cannibalizing their screaming bad guy toys. 

Also Chris is so very happy at work.  I guess I am venting here at all you guys because I feel like I dampen his happy glow every time I get frustrated with things.  He comes home and tells me the latest thing that happened and I sit there listening, giving people nicknames from the stories he tells.  At one point they were trying to invent a title for him and someone suggested 'the enabler' to which Chris replied 'oh, that makes it sound like I am selling drugs to recovering addicts.'  It was generally funny, but we are in Utah now and one woman made a dry comment that it would be hard to find that here.  She is now Pot lady.  I have no idea what her actual name is, the nickname stuck too well.  There is also baby face, the money, Tommy California, and Vinny.  Yesterday we realized that at this point it sounds like Chris is working for a shady group of mafia types.  'Yeah, Babyface was looking kinda distracted.  I checked with Johnny CA and Money about it, sounds like he is loosing men to Vinny.'  Not an actual conversation, but you get the idea.  

Meh, I will never meet any of them anyway.  

Anyway, two months worth of update.  Not super chipper. But you should have seen my first draft.

meh, why not?  This is the start of my first draft.  No one reads this stuff anyway.

I always imagined Hell with the crying suffering struggling masses burning miserably at the Devil's feet, the Devil laughing in pleasure and delight.  Living here these last few weeks has given me a whole new insight into that scenario.  We wake up and the first thing that greets my eyes is the computer that has been set up (somehow crookedly) on Chris's hideous childhood dresser.  Then I turn over and see the mounded pile of miscelanious Salvation Army things that I have been intending to get out the door, but has somehow piled itself helplessly and endlessly higher and higher there in the corner by my bed.  I realize that I had only woken because some kid had been screaming endlessly for the last 30 min.  Really, I have no idea why it woke me.  There is always someone screaming or crying.  

Here I stand on my tendinitis riddled ankles awkwardly typing in my filthy room littered with discarded home sales contracts, color page printouts, still wrapped parcels and un-hung pictures.  Parker is sitting right outside my door ready to pelt me with unending teary demands for piggy banks, quarters, new leap pad games, anything really.  He bit me today.  Parker has never bitten me.  Not even when we were nursing.  He is so deeply and profoundly bored with his life here.  He is sullen and underwhelmed and restless.  The only times when he perks up is when I have found a moment to sit with him and do some of the undone leftover worksheets his texas teacher sent home with him that last day.  But I rarely get a moment when I can do that.  There are four other kids.  Three of whom can't talk or can only barely talk.  They are unhappy too.  

Today we hit about noon and I was in the babies bedroom trying to calm the younger twins into a nap (Esther had been so hysterical that she actually climbed out of her crib while yelling and screaming to come and get me) when I heard Chris tell Lyra and Parker that he had to go, that I was in the other room and would keep them safe.  I had no idea where he was going so I left Ethan and Esther, who were now quiet crying on the floor with me where I had been snuggling them, to go find out what was going on.  'Sarah, I am unaccountably angry and the only thing I can think of is that I haven't eaten yet today.  I am going to go get something to eat.'  And I thought to myself... huh... yeah, most people have eaten by now.  I sent him on his way to get something for everyone (even though the kids had all been given food that none of them had eaten) and went to help Ethan and Esther who had begun to cry in earnest again.  I had Issac in my arms at this point and that bothered Ethan because I couldn't lay down with them any more.  I sat there patting backs and rubbing legs. Esther sweetly began to imitate me, patting Ethans back as she lay next to him on the floor.  Lyra and Parker then began to come in and out.  The doors here are weirdly loud and slammed every time they peeked in .. Finally I had to leave the younger two to go address the needs of the older two... and on it went.  Issac, Ethan , Esther, Lyra, and Parker breaking down in hysterical tears... and I mean hysterical.  Parker would have to go and calm down in his room, Lyra would .....  Chris finally came back, better, and with food.  He sat down and started eating, listening to a podcast on his phone while I ran around still getting bowls and spoons (five different spoons just for Ethan before he stopped clawing at my legs and would eat).  Issac went to bed, screaming for a while... because that is just what he does now.  that is just what everyone does now.  it is catching and I an going to start doing it too.  I ran out of beans and rice side to feed the kids who were now askign for more now that I had returned.  I took a bite of the burrito that Chris had brought me and then began dishing the insides into the kids bowls.  Finally, as there seemed to be a lul.. I pulled a chair up next to Chris where Chris thoughtfully paused his podcast to catch me up.  I told him not to bother because it was only a matter of seconds before I was going to be on call again..  Parker came by and I fed him a few bites hollowed out of my burrito until I realized, there was nothing left to hollow out.  It was a soggy tortilla.  I rolled it up and ate what I could as I left Chris and his podcast to go tend to the latest break down...

And so it went.  Ultimately I was going to talk about how, even though I was the author of so many of the tears (because I wouldn't let them grab and fight) I was the most miserable of all.  Satin is the most miserable, he is bossing people but he is the most miserable.