End Whining (Kid Parent Homework #2)

End the Whining (homework #2)

• Teach the difference between an whining voice and a 'kid' voice.  Ok, this is one of those moments when it is just fun to be a parent because you can model the difference between 'whining' and 'kid' voice.  Kids think it is absolutely hilarious when Parents, playfully, turn into big whiner babies.  It's a good time, try it.  Have them try the difference and practice phrases in whining voice and 'kid' voice.  

• After they have been taught, very clearly, the difference between whining voice and kid voice, so long as they are whining over something that is not a serious need, kindly, and lovingly be confused.  Kids pick up on insincerity really quickly.  It is tempting to be sarcastic, but that will only make the situation turn angry.  You really do want to help them.  You love them.  Lock onto that and with all your love, remember that 'Whining' is now a language you don't speak.  Lovingly and with concern say: 

'I can see you want to tell me something.  I really want to help you, I just can't quite understand you.'  In all fairness sometimes it really is hard to understand when they are in full whining mode.  If they really aren't catching on you can try 'could you please try saying it in a kid voice?'  

• Persevere.  If they keep whining, continue to genuinely struggle to understand them.  If it persists you can always walk away and take a break.  They will figure it out.  If it goes full tantrum mode, maybe there is a real need here you are missing or maybe they need to cool off in a safe place for a while.  Do your best.  

I figure that if I get it wrong this time round, no doubt I will get another try.

• Extra credit: 

"Tell me what you want"

Once they are using a 'kid' voice, the content of the no-longer-whining voice, is still sometimes whining.  "why did they get a treat?"  "why don't I ever..." "they always..." I have been trying to coach my kids out of that (unsuccessfully so far) to say what they want instead.  It isn't nearly as grating and then you can address their real focus instead of the side complaint. "I want a treat, to!" "I want to do the thing that they are doing." "I want a turn to..." 

It is easy to know that you don't like something, but what a gift to know what you want.